I could say this over and over again: I am happy as a lark being in my home 24/7. God's just made me that way, moreso over the last few years, but He has good reason. God warns about the wily woman in Proverbs 7:11 when Solomon writes, "...her feet do not stay home." So I'm plenty thankful, and B has expressed to me many times as well, that God has made me this way.
I spent the last week and a half either running around like a crazy person, trying to ignore my lack of sleep and energy, or prepping to run around like a crazy person. Unfortunately, I can't even guzzle down extra coffee for energy, so I've just given a sleepy smile at most of the, "You look tired" comments from this last week. No harm done! Now you and I just both know I've been tired and pregnant. haha This being the case, I was sitting in second service at church yesterday wanting nothing more than to just laying down in the pew and go to sleep. Since B was teaching I didn't want him to feel bad that his wife fell asleep during his sermon. haha
After feeling that tired, I decided to go home and clear my schedule for today. I have seriously spent the entire day, and will continue to, tackling the dust bunnies, mixing natural cleaners, contorting my body into strange positions to reach hidden corners and clean them, vaccuming (my chest muscles are pretty achey from this now), and just getting this little doll house cleaned up. When I apologize to B for there being too many books on the table, or a random pile of unfolded clothes for a day, he graciously responds with something like, "It's really ok. I don't mind out house looking like we actually live here." What a sweetie. :) Despite that, I do want our home to continue to be a place of comfort to him because I totally gush when I hear him say, "I love being home!" everytime he walks in the door.
Anyways, accomplishing all these things around the house today, God gently reminded me of the call He's placed on my life. He has called me to have a homeward focused heart. Nobody else can clean my house except for me, nobody else can be my husband's God ordained helper except for me, nobody else can raise this little boy and (hopefully) others except for me and their daddy. Someone else can always be a better pre-school teacher, encourager, prayer partner, friend, pastor's wife, and many other things, than I can be. Even though nothing terrible got out of hand during this last busy week, I just realized how much smoother things are when I do it God's way and make sure my heart is homeward focused first, and then all of those other things.
Proverbs 14: 1 "The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down."
I've also had a complete lack of any sort of drive to finish the baby's room, also mixed with some normal feelings of anxiousness as I see my last trimester approaching. (I've said this to many people, but that means there's a REAL HUMAN BEING at the end of this next trimester!) It just seems like there is sooooo much that has to happen in the next three months or so: baby shower, reorganize the rest of the house, get the furniture we still need, spend money on baby, spend money here, spend money there, decorate, sigh....a lot. haha
Proverbs 14:26 "In the fear of the Lord one has strong confidence, and his children will have refuge."
God again quietly reminded me through this verse this morning that this baby honestly has everything he needs already: a Savior who died for him, a mommy and a daddy living under the same roof, a crib, and a home. NONE of those above things that I listed really matter. None of them. I just need to make sure that I keep my eyes and heart on Jesus, and God will bless my little ones with a home that is a refuge.
I hope this encourages any other anxious, tired, exhausted mommy and wife hearts out there!