Where have I been?

I've caught a cold most recently. Usually when you catch a cold that means you spend some time laying low. Drinking tea, not leaving the couch, making soups of various kinds...we all have fallen bodies, so everyone knows what this looks like.

On a more spiritual level, I feel like I'm caught a cold. Or maybe my eyes have just finally been opened to the disease, the sin, the sickness I've still got to deal with inside of my heart, and the grace God gives to cure and soothe.

So where have I been? Literally, spiritually, and emotionally?

Laying low. Spending lots of time talking to God. Listening to (and I won't lie, often arguing with) God. Reading the Word. Lots of time at home relearning and learning for the first time about lots of things. Grace. Being a mom. Still being a wife. Being human. Being broken, but made new.

Photo of me taken by my talented husband. :) I thought it was appropriate given the topic. ;)

With all this reflecting in my life comes a very relevant question to think about when you write publically.

How much is too much? What's okay to share for the sake of encouraging others? (which I hope you know is the goal of this blog, to push you towards holiness and Jesus) And what is just too much? How much honesty really is just gossip and breaks trust in relationships? What are the secret things God shows just me? Just my husband and me? Just my family?

These are all things I've been thinking about and trying to sort out, so be patient with me as I go. :)

I remember pondering this question about honesty in a memoir writing class I took in college. I've since seen other bloggers happen upon the same struggle. And here I am. Silent out of fear? Or respect? I'm still not sure. Yet again, like every single day these days, I find myself falling short of being able to find the answer to this question, among many others. I find my words falling short as I realize how little answers I actually have to things. But God's got something in the works. :) Like He always does.

I think He's providing an outlet for me to share with gentle honesty many of these things in an even more public way. A fellow blogger friend of mine, Dianne, has asked me to be a part of a collaborative team for a project she feels like God has been calling her to create. I don't want to give too many details just yet, but I'm excited that God is opening up yet another outlet for me to write and share the things He's teaching me.

Sigh.

With all of this to be say, pray for me as I'm in a deeeeep, but gooood season of reflecting. :)

xoxo

My reason to write.

God told me to stop all the organizing for our garage sale and instead sit down with my laptop and write. Why? Because of this verse I've been pondering all week.

 

 

"'Go...tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.'" Mark 5:19

 

I keep this in my commonplace to remind myself of why I keep notes, why I journal, why I write down most of my prayers. There are several verses where God charges His people to tell the next generation about His faithfulness to them. I guess that's what I'm doing with all my journals. But today I just want to share how God's been faithful to me in my prayers for my husband and marriage.

 

 

A few months before I got married I bought a prayer journal. This has been the single most important tool in my life and marriage, next to the Bible. Every day of the month it gives you something different to pray for your husband, children, and yourself. The morning is my favorite time of the day, as I'm sure most of you know. I loooove getting up extra early before everyone else to sip on some coffee, read my Bible, and journal in the quiet. I covet this quiet time. I'm a creature of habit, and I believe God at His word when He says He shows Himself to those who seek Him. As a new mom, I've really been having to fight against my flesh and get up extra early before Ari to do this. But God has been faithful to me. And that's more of what I want to write about today.

 

 

Wives, do you realize how important prayer is to your marriage? Do you BELIEVE it is the weapon of choice God has given you in the battleground that our families and relationships sometimes turn into?

 

"...as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening." 1 Peter 3:6

 

This verse has often used comforted me in my marriage. The context of this verse is dealing with submission in marriage. Submission is scary. God never says it's easy. That's why the Holy Spirit is saying "do not fear anything that is frightening" right here.  Pastor Jeremy taught on this the week before we were married, and it has always stuck with me. Submission can be frightening when you watch your spouse screw up, lie, confess a sin they struggle with over, and over again, are not good stewards of different aspects of their life, and yet ask you to to come alongside the decisions and leadings they feel is appropriate for your lives and family. Submitting to another sinner really is one of the most terrifying things you can do, and it's something I've not always (if ever have) been good at doing.

 

So, what do we use in battle against our fears as a wife?

 

Prayer.

 

Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray! Pray! I really can't stress this enough.

 

I have a note at the bottom of one of the pages in my prayer journal that says something along the lines of, "I need to stop nagging, start praying, and let the Holy Spirit do the nagging."

 

Wives, don't stop praying for that specific area of weakness that you see and nobody else does in your husband's life. Go to God in your moments of fear and keep on praying. Pray for his mind, body, and heart. Pray the reflection of Jesus into his life. Pray, pray, pray until you see the future glory of your husband (which you won't ever see on this side of heaven, so...pray some more). Pray for the Holy Spirit to empower him to be more like Christ in every single area of his life. Pray that you keep your mouth shut and entrust your husband to the Lord.

 

I know how hard this is. I've been so fearful lately in some specific areas of our marriage. I know I've failed to pray about it as much as I should, but God's given me a taste of the sweet fruit of my feeble prayers these last few days. And what reaction has it caused in my heart?

 

I rejoice at wanting to submit to a husband that God I see God working in! I find the future, Christ-likeness the Holy Spirit is cultivating in my husband as the most attractive thing about him, and it makes me want to be more conformed into the image of Christ too!

 

(Here's a little secret for husbands: admiting your need for a Savior verbally to your wife, in private, often, and as a normal part of your relationships is one of the most attractive things you can do. Why? Because it shows humility, and we desire to follow a humble leader we see the evidence of Christ in. You don't have to act like you have it all together and don't need someone to lead you. We know that's not true. If it were, there probably wouldn't be as many dirty dishes and laundry left around my house. There wouldn't be the silence and fear a wife feels after her husband makes a final decision.)

 

So ladies, where's your hope? Is it in your nagging voice that makes your husband want to campout on the roof (Proverbs 21:9)? Or is it in Jesus Christ, who's voice commands even the wind and waves (Luke 8:24)? Call on our Helper, the Holy Spirit, to help make you a better helper for your husband, the helper God is calling you to be, always giving your husband strength through your prayers. This is the best gift a wife can ever give to her husband. Ask God to renew your mind to believe this truth. 

 

xoxo

 

 

 



A shout out to you lovely ladies. :)

Lots and lots of baby lovin' these days. :) Especially now that Ari's Colorado grandparents are in town!

It's been nice having my mom here this week, folding laundry, changing diapers, teaching me how to properly cut my husband's hair (HA!), and just holding Ari so I can do some running around. We have been blessed so far with sleep (despite those first CRAZY, hormonal few days of utter exhaustion) through most of the night. Ari has only woken up once at night these last two nights. So I've been getting plenty of sleep! So much sleep that I actually have a hard time sleeping at times...which is normal for me. Because of this, I've had quite a bit of energy to attempt to stay on top of things around the house, although things still get crazy when you don't plan for three outfit changes in twenty minutes due to poop and/or spit up while you've got diner burning on the stove. ;) Some things get put on the back burner these days, quite literally. haha Life as a mom...

With my mom being in town and helping me with so many things I was thinking about about these verses earlier, which I keep going back to every few days when I realize how loved and supported I've been by the women in my life over the last few weeks.

"Older women...are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled." Titus 2:3-5

So this is a big shout out to all you ladies you have helped me love my family the last few weeks by washing dishes for me, doing my laundry, bringing us food, getting up suuuuuper early to sit with me so I don't lose my mind, listening to me cry on the phone, giving advice, getting me out of the house, oh so may things!! (And thanks to the husbands out there who let their wives spend some time with this crazy new momma!!) Now I know why these verses are in the Bible. They HAVE to be because we NEED them as wives, mom, and women in general. And God being a good God KNEW we'd NEED them. He's a clever God. :)

I'm so thankful for all you ladies.

xoxo

40 weeks.

Yep. My due date is here. And in 7 hours...it will have passed. haha Guess baby is pretty comfortable in there. :) I'm honestly feeling great considering the well-done baby I'm carrying around. I'm really taking this time to enjoy all the grace and love I feel God's poured out on me (or us) this week through the end of my first year teaching, love from all my students, fellowship with many friends, yummy food and desserts that I (probably) over indulged in, and lots of time in my nest. :)

Much of my down time has consisted of walking the last few days, since I'm officially a stay at home helper until this babe comes. :) I have truly enjoyed this last week of pregnancy so much.

Last weekend we went down to Salt Lake City with Greg and played with photography around the city. This one was taken at the Salt Lake City Public Library. It was rainy, cold, and the only thing I could fit in to was a maternity sweater dress. haha So it was that and my rainboots. Which, by the way, wearing rainboots as a pregnant lady is kind of like trying to hop over a fence! It's hard work climbing in to those things!!

My best friend from back in our homeschool days, Amy, has been in town with her husband for the last few days, and since I've had off, I've been able to see her quite a bit. :) She's also pregnant, 23 weeks, and I got to go to her in town baby shower for her little girl last night. It was so fun to see all the frilly girly things!! (I guess maybe there iiiisss another reason to keep having babies despite all the pain. haha)

But despite of lack of pink and purple feminine lace, these bow ties and onesies are pretty adorable! ;)(Thanks, Amy!) I know daddy is excited about these spiffy outfits for his little man. :)

So aside from friends, eating all sorts of yummy food, and lots of walking, I'm just enjoying my transition from being in the world of working peeps, to being blessed to be able to come home and take care of my family full time.

I know I say this a lot, but I am so, so thankful for my husband. It hit me Monday night as I was getting ready for my last day of work, that after Tuesday, my job description and responsibilities are really changing. My husband feels strongly enough that I should be home that he has taken this step of faith in actually bringing me home, losing part of our monthly income and totally trusting God to provide, to take care of him and our little flock. Wow!! That motivates me to want to be an extra good steward of my time at home, the money God blesses us with through B's work, and my family in general. I am so thankful for B, and the God I see working in him as a husband and father. I really can't think of a better job than being a full-time helper to my husband and shepherd to my child. I am so excited for this next chapter of our life and all the on the job training God has in store for me. :)

Now all we need is that little bambino to cuddle! ;) Keep us in your prayers over the next few days!

xoxo