A faithless gardener.

Look at what I found when I raked the leaves out of my garden this morning! :D They're a little mutilated from the rake because I didn't see the green beauties until I tore a few leaves apart.

I was so happy to see these little guys! I realized what little faith I had in anything coming back this year. It kind of reminded me of how God, in His good, good grace, empowers us to bear fruit in spite of ourselves. :) I transplanted an entire section of berries and herbs that I added to my garden last year, and I really feared any of it coming back. But they're doing what plants do best: growing! It looks like everything came back. I think I may have pulled up a few green onions by accident. Couldn't tell if they were weeds or not. ;)

Who would have thought these last few times I needed parsley I could have grabbed a few sprigs from my own garden? ;) I know this beautiful weather isn't going to last until the summer since Utah is so hormonal, but it was nice to see my garden getting a headstart even if I'm not.

Happy gardening, my friends! :)

xoxo

Confessions of an (almost) new mom.

Wow. I finished a role of toilet paper tonight because I've cried so much. About what? Nothing in particular, but then again, just about everything. I watched this adorable documentary about a married Down syndrome couple...aaaand it was all down hill (or up?) from there with the crying, being pregnant, missing my husband, blah, blah, blah. So, may I indulge?

I've felt so selfish lately. Probably the most selfish I've ever felt, or realized I am, in my entire life. I hate even writing this on here, but so much of me has recently longed for it to just be me and B forever. And ever. And ever. And then I feel the baby kick me in the rib. "Too late, mom." I know, I know. Nervous laugh. Or at least, I'm starting to know. The bright side is that parenthood isn't an eternal identity thing, it's just a calling for a period of life. I'm going to be B's wife even after parenthood ends though. :)

Am I terrible? Is it terrible that I just wrote that? I just want to savor one last day trip alone with my husband without thinking about carseats and meal plans and who's watching my kid. I think yesterday morning could very well have been the last morning B and I got to sleep in together for who knows how long. He's been working so much, and we have opposite schedules a lot....so the next eight weeks are pretty much shot. Oh, it's coming so fast.

Well, now that I've showed you guys in words what a terrible mom I'm going to be (haha...it's ok, you can laugh with me), let me remind you that there is HOPE! Not in Lexy, no, not in me. In JESUS. And HIS grace. It's only by His presence in my life that I EVER have the ability to put these feelings aside, except for nights like tonight, nights that are luckily far and few between. Don't put your hope in me as a parent, in B as a dad, in the two of us as a married couple. No, please don't. You'll be let down all too fast. I only hope you can see little slivers of Christ through all of those different aspects of our life and rejoice in the progressive growth in Christ we get to experience.

 On a lighter note, anyone else out there think I look like my own momma in this picture? :)

I am so lame that I can't figure out how to turn this picture to the side. hahahaha I was made for the typewriter, not the computer. It's up and down in my file, but won't upload that way. I was trying to upload it to Facebook all night last night and today, but it just wouldn't for some reason. Oh well. :)

xoxo

32 weeks and counting.

 

Credit goes to my hubby for walking going on a little barefoot hike with me today. :) He's more artsy than I give him credit for. Although, you can tell he's a musician...because he likes to make most things look like album covers. haha

 

Here we go! Another pregnancy survey. 32 weeks, folks! 32 weeks!!

 

1. What name did you and your spouse call your baby before you knew the gender?

 

Hmmm...good question. I don't really remember ever calling him anything except for baby or kid.

2. When did "Oh-my-gosh-we're-having-a-baby" really sink it?

 

Still hasn't I guess. Some moments are like that...but for the most part I don't know if it ever fully sinks in.

3. When you think of yourself as a mom, what's the first thing to come to mind?

 

Ponytails. haha Maybe that's because most moms always have their hair up while running around chasing toddlers and throwing another load of laundry in. :)

4. Is your nursery complete? What's the theme and what do you have left to complete?

Nope, and as of today I decided I'm done with all my projects and craft ideas. Baby has enough. I need to get some more storage type furniture and just get everything put together, but I'm done with my little projects. I really need to get everything up on the wall...this took months and months for me to do after we got married. B has yet to convince me to hang a few drawings a friend of ours did, or my butterfly collections. I guess I'm stalling in the baby's room too. But really....I need to jump on this. Good thing next week is spring break.  

5. List 5 qualities you hope your baby will possess:

 

Jesus, love, wisdom, a genuine love for people, a love and respect for his earthly parents, aaand his daddy's eyes or curls. :) Do all those count as qualities?

6. What's your ideal labor experience?

 

Lots and lots of trusting on God for whatever He wants labor to look like for me...be it a natural birth, pain-free epidural birth, C-section with lots and lots of rest afterwards...whatever He wants for His plants and purposes in my life. I've thought about this lots and I still know that I have no clue what it will look like until I get to the hospital. So anyways, I just want the baby out at the end. ;)

7. List 5 things that have changed in your relationship with your spouse since you've been pregnant:

We sadly have what seems like a third person in our bed at all times now. My stupid Boppy pillow (I'm very thankful for whoever secretly got it for me...I do love it) gets between me and my hubby. I can't sleep right next to his back all night like I used to because there's a giant pillow between us. It does keep me from being in pain though. :) That's the only reason he puts up with it. haha

 

What hasn't changed? We think about money differently now. We think about the future differently, I think. Ya know, since we have this little bambino to think about too. I think about B differently (in a good way). I know both of our prayers have changed to include this little dude we've been called to raise. :) That's cute to hear your husband pray for your baby. :)   

8. List 5 things you think will change once your baby arrives:

Haaaa..........sleep habits, fo sho. I'm pretty sure my personal, daily schedule will change. I know I will have to plan taking care of my hubby differently too. I can't cook dinner throughout the entire day simply because I enjoy that. I will have a baby to plan around too. I think B and I will really have to be more intentional about dating each other also. I've been thinking lots about that lately. Also, spending habits will probably adjust even more.

9. Where do you think you'll be when you go into labor? Why?

I'm really hoping I'm not at school with a classroom full of 3 year olds. HA!

10. Have you been talking to your baby? Playing music?

I talk to him in my head. Does that make sense? I don't talk outloud...but I do talk to him a lot. I do play music, but not on purpose for him to listen to. Although, B was playing the guitar in the living room one night and the little bambino was FREAKING OUT when he stopped. So he started playing again and calmed right down. That was pretty awesome. :)

11. In what ways do you hope your baby is like your spouse?

Most ways because B is much more chill than I am. :) I hope he looks JUST like him, too. :)

12. In what ways do you hope your baby is like you?

Blonde hair would be really cute. :)

13. How long will you wait for the next baby, or if this is your last one, why/why not?

Oh goodness. I can't think about that right now.

14. Who will be with you during labor? Who will visit you in the hospital during your recovery?

I'm pretty sure B is the only one we're planning on having in the room with us. As for after, I honestly don't care. The whole world could come visit me. I think I'd like that. :)

15. How much will you tell your baby (child, teenager) about your past? Why/why not?

Enough that he knows I'm a sinner saved by grace. Enough to warn and teach. I guess I need to ask for wisdom on what NOT to tell him. haha

16. Do you have any hopes for your child's activities? (Sports, academics, school preference, activities, etc)

Nope. As long as he loves Jesus, that's all the man he needs to be.

17. When will you tell your baby about the birds and the bees?

hahahaha I will probably be forced too much earlier than I think I will.

18. Which childhood memory do you hope your child will have (similar to one you fondly remember)?

I really hope he gets to remember a time his mom and or dad shared Jesus with them and prayer with them like I remember my mom doing with me and my little brother.

19. And finally, Be annoying! What "advice" do you want newly pregnant women to know?

You need so much less than you think you need. Maternity clothes, books, baby items, decorations. You've got boobs? You're good. Ok, not really, but seriously...kinda really. ;) I've also been shocked that the only time I'm really in crazy pain is when I haven't had a chance to exercise that day. So exercise! I've never done this regularly before being pregnant, but I think I'm going to make it a norm now. You really do have so much more energy.

 

 

It comes and goes.

That's energy that I'm talking about. These days at least. I've got to make the most of it when I can, even if that means planning out my nesting and meals when I'm awake at 4 a.m. haha! Today I got home around 4 after a long, but good, day at work, and sat down on the couch with some water and my laptop, planning on never getting up again for the rest of the night. But alas, I talked myself into doing my workout, and I've suddenly had energy ever since. Yesterday I went crazy to town making all sorts of things for the babies room , and one cute project for myself, and I've had enough energy in the last hour to finish some of them up. :)

Please know that I am generally not this crafty, I promise. At least...I'm not as crafty as many other people I know. I did many of these projects because I was able to use things from around my house or they required basic craft supplies that I have on hand from past projects. These are also projects I've been keeping track of on my pinterest boards for months now, and have finally decided to just do them, so it's not like I find something and get it made before dinner time. ;) It's takes lots and lots of pins, time, and courage. haha

This book garland was super easy to make! I made it for the baby boy's room, but my baby shower is also book themed, so I thought it would be cute to use there as well. I just pulled the pages out of an old book I had around the house that I've used in the past for various projects. I also had the string. I did buy the mini clothes pins, but I plan on using those in lots of different ways in the baby's room, so I didn't mind spending the 1.50 or whatever they were (plus my teacher's discount at Michael's! Score!). The paper that I used for the book covers I did buy, but just because they were .59 each and I didn't have a spare cereal box on hand. I do plan on making some more where I use cereal boxes and just paint them, or the pattern of the boxes themselves may be kind of cute and add to the creative mix.

 

 

I always check the clearance for acrylic paint. I usually find some funky colors for .19. I think this was one of those colors I found, but I just so happen to be using it in the baby's room quite a bit. I bought these letters right after we were married to use this idea in our bedroom, I just never got around to finishing it. Plus, I think it looks much cuter for the little guy's room. I've got them sitting above the doorframe of his room, and I'm going to cut out a small cardboard star or two and paint them gold and stick them up there as well.

 

 

 These toilet paper roll owls are so adorable!! I'm going to make a few more and set them on different shelves in his room. I think it's so fun how you can create different personalities with each owl. This was a very, very cheap project!! I think everyone in America has spare toilet paper rolls on hand.

 

 



And last but not least, these fun flats that I repainted!! I am a sucker for any item of clothing that has a cat on it...so I had to make these when I saw the how-to. The paint was a little old, so who knows how long they'll last, but I think I originally purchased the shoes for just a couple of bucks anyways. And they aren't the most comfortable, so I've only worn them one or two times, but now I have a cute reason to push through the pain! ;)

I hope you guys enjoyed checking up on my nesting projects. :) Do you see a theme of some sort coming together? haha

xoxo

Confessions from the most ungrateful person.

Caution: If you get uncomfortable when people share their dark hearts and sin, you probably shouldn't keep reading this. If you have a dark heart and much sin just like me, be encouraged and read on to see a little bit of God's grace in my life.

I ran across this article recently while doing some homework for my Biblical Counseling class. I'm more often than not convicted on so many levels while reading through things I believe will be helpful for "others." I'm learning to always include myself as one of the others.

This particular part of the article really hit home with a recent experience of mine.

"I have had the opportunity to go to India several

times. I stood in New Delhi, Northern India, at one of

the most horrible slums that exist. I stood transfixed for

a moment, looking at a three-year-old boy leaning

against the cot of his infirm mother. He had the distended

stomach and hollow eyes of a starving child,

and his face was fly-infested. I stood there with tears

streaming down my face. It wasn’t just compassion. (I

did want to rescue him and take him home.) But it was

the awareness that he didn’t choose to be where he was,

any more than I chose to be where I was. I was filled

with deeper gratitude than I think I have ever felt in my

life. I was raised in one of the richest countries in the

history of humanity. I was raised in a loving family, and

received a tremendous education. I was raised to come

to Christ early in my life. I was given such glorious

things. You could not explain the difference between

that little boy and me by anything other than the Lord.

I was filled with awesome gratitude for the Lord. I

stood there in that slum, and I felt every complaint I

had ever spoken as if they were a weight on my shoulders."

-Paul David Tripp

I really used to hate going to the city. Towards the end of the day I felt so dirty and tired of walking by homeless person after homeless person silently asking for help through cardboard signs. These feelings would literally alter my mood, making it so I want to flee to what I thought was my perfect home and never return to the ugly city again. These last few trips I really, really struggled with it, specifically when I'd have to find a bathroom. I would feel sheer disguist, maybe even hate, for the "dirty, homesless city people that make this bathroom a filthhole for me to have to use." Yes, my heart is that black. I've never told anyone just how much I hate the dirt and dirty people in the city. Too self-righteous to admit it, I guess.

My heart really felt drawn to this particular section of the article because on this last trip in to the city only by God's grace that I was able to look at the public bathroom differently. In the back of the public library I found an out of the way women's restroom. Anyone who has ever been to any public library knows that's where lots of homeless people spend their free time. Walking in I saw what I assumed (and I guess still don't really know for sure) was a homeless lady, dirty suitcase filled with every single one of her earthly personal items in tow. I don't even think I even have any niceness in and of myself that I was able to just smile at her. I quickly got out of her way and ran into the stall. As I pulled out one of those toilet seat covers (because you HAVE to use those, Lexy, who knows what sicknesses these dirty people might give you...I'm so lame...) God totally revealed the depth of the evil in my heart in viewing these "city people" this way.

"I died for these dirty people and this dirty city, just like I died for you."

I knew in that moment that the ONLY difference between me and that lady standing out at the sink was probably the Holy Spirit living inside of me. I felt a deep shame for my sin and a compassion I know that came only from God to want to move toward these people in the city and love them, not run from them.

In reading this article, I felt like Paul Tripp described feeling when looking at the small child in India. I was so grateful for the God who created both me and His people in the city, and so grateful that He has put me in a place where I can serve them from a true heart of love, His love. God showed me He is the God of Salt Lake City, and ever other city, town, neighborhood, home in the world, however dirty or unruly I think them to be. He is their God, if their hearts awknowledge it or not, and He has called us to go in to these places. Only with God's grace will I learn to love these people better, both in my heart and outwardly with my actions.

xoxo

 

Only the two of us could enjoy a date to the library so much.

On Wednesday, B and I ventured down to Salt Lake City to get some fresh air. Our goal was to walk around the city and get to know it a little better, but for a pregnant lady that's kind of hard....because you have to use the potty every few minutes and it's hard to find public restrooms. :) So we stayed close to the city building and the library.

 

 

 

Yes, here is pregnant me in the city building bathroom. I was soooo thankful to see a sign reading "WOMEN'S." After that we picnicked in the park. Or...B picnicked. I think I've hit that stage in pregnancy where I'm not as hungry anymore. I NEVER thought that would happen...but I could literally live off of spinach and fruit smoothies and hummus (although, I know baby needs more than that).

 

 

This was hardcore picnicking on a budget. We have always loved to picnic, but I was totally out of all staples for picnicking and we were at the end of the pay period. I got creative. :) It's more fun that way anyways!! Peanut butter sandwich for B, egg salad for me (he hates egg salad), yummy banana bread, chips, salsa, hummus, carrots and celery sticks, applesauce, gummies for B (haha...I spoil him...), and I can't remember what else. This was the most random picnic ever. :) Then we walked over to the library.

 

 

We really explored the place this time. Usually we find a chair and plop ourselves down with a warm coffee and a book, but our purpose this time was really to explore. We found this super, duper cool door that simply leads to a giant room overlooking the awesome kids section. It was literally a staircase from the outside of one floor to the other....overlooking this....

 

 

How cool is that!? I bet more people would read if we had more awesome libraries like this. Complete with inside mini malls/gift shops and places to eat like this...

 

 



They also had a whole section of these Zines. They're like chapbooks, or handmade mini literary magazines. They gave me some ideas for things to do with my poems and smash booking.

Well, I'm off to make my favorite cobbler! :) The weather has been so beautiful that I can't help but cook with the windows open any spare second I get!!

xoxo

All natural beauty: things I've experimented with this pregnancy.

There we go! One day shy of 30 weeks! I really wish I could live in skirts these days, and I would but I'm slightly clumsy and I find myself tripping in them a lot. haha And a pregnant lady who trips all the time really is hazardous.

Since it's been warmer I realized my dull, white legs will be showing soon. ;) As usual, I've been on my pinterest boards looking through all natural beauty tricks for fun. I've used this trick twice now, and I really like it. Although, I did just finish cleaning our bathroom and found all the coconut and olive oil very tricky to get off. Any suggestions? Haha It's quite comical to watch me and my belly curve around the toilet to clean behind it, and get in the tub to scrub, scrub, scrub.

About two weeks ago I noticed my cheeks finally started to become very, very dry. I've used half apple cider vinegar and half water as a toner through most of my pregnancy. My skin freaked out a bit as I entered into my second trimester, but this stuff seriously cleared it right up. I think after allllll these weeks of using it with really no moisturizer (shhh...I know that's probably terrible for my skin, but I really do drink tons and tons of water and the skin on my face doesn't seem to need much else most of the year) it may have started to dry me out a bit, but I found this moisturizing facial cleanser last week and I really, really love it!! I was super worried it would make my face extra oily, but it didn't at all!! I love using all natural beauty recipes that only have a few ingredients because I remember how to do them easier, making it so that I actually use them. I started looking for a new cleanser because I recently read that they are trying to get rid of all exfoliants with plastic scrubbies in them (something about fish and landfills?), and since I've used the same one for literally years, I started looking for natural alternatives when mine goes off the market. I love that the baking soda actually makes your face feel scrubbed and cleaned, and it really does get all your make up off. I switched to using the ACV toner only once a day or so, and I've really noticed a difference. I swear, the day after I used the coconut and baking soda mixture, my cheeks were already brighter and rosy.

My other favorite natural winter skin repair that I started about this time last year was mixing one egg white with some fresh squeezed lemon juice. You make the paste and let it sit as a mask on your skin for about 20 minutes. The protein from the egg helps rebuild your chapped winter skin. I ONLY use real lemon juice because you just never know what's in the store bought, prepackaged kind, and I don't what who-knows-what sitting on my skin.

At first I started doing these weird experiments when B wasn't home, but I don't care anymore. He knows I'm a weirdo. haha I don't think he was home the one time I experimented with tumeric, turning my face orange. (It was a good thing I try these at night, or else I would have had to go out looking like an Oompa Loompa.) Honey is the ONLY natural ingredient that doesn't work well with my skin. Any other thing I've put on my skin has really done fine, some things just work better than others for me.

I really want to try this all-natural mascara sometime. I've used the same Clinique one for ages because I'm allergic to all other ones. I used to use mineral veil, but it's just too expensive for me to keep buying, so I want to try to make this one sometime. I could go on, and on... ;) I really find this stuff interesting and it's always a fun challenge to try something new, especially if it saves money. The one product I do buy and haven't been able to bring myself to experiment with making on my own is my foundation. I have again used the same thing for years. It's Naked Minerals Pressed Mineral Foundation. My mom is an esthetician and actually sold this stuff back when I was in junior high I think. I like it because it's not a powder. With powder you seem to waste more than you actually use. It also doesn't make my face oily. Other loose or even pressed mineral foundations I've tried make my face oily very quickly. They've done all sorts of fancy tests with this stuff that I can't remember right now (thank you pregnancy brain). I do remember they tested being able to sleep in this stuff and it doesn't harm your skin. Also, there was something about being able to put it in an open wound (not that you would really want to, right?) and it didn't cause any extra harm. Being a pre-school teacher means the people I spend the most time with during the day don't really give a hoot what I look like, as long as I know how to put the puzzle back together. But my basic beauty routine that I stick to most days includes this foundation and a tiny bit of mascara, if I even get that far. haha Anyways, enough about Naked Minerals. I love the stuff. :)

Sidenote: Any things you guys did around the house that were very helpful for when you came home with a new baby? I actually have time to be home today and get caught up on cleaning and organizing, which is ALWAYS energizing to me for some reason, so I sat down and made a very, very basic grocery list in case anyone has to do that for us while we're in the hospital. I figured it's nicer to have a stocked fridge when you first come home so you don't have to figure out who has more energy to go out and grab the basics to get by for that first week. Any other suggestions? The only other thing (besides trying this natural carpet cleaner today) that I really want to have done before baby gets here is getting my blinds cleaned. I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE doing this. I always did as a kid, and I STILL do. That's why they are dusty pretty much all the time. I don't know how to do it well, and they are white plantation shutter type blinds, so they show dust, and the black streaks from cleaning the dust. Sigh Anyways, again...what other things were helpful to you to have done at home when baby came home? :)

xoxo

Spring green.

I love it when an avocado looks that good. Lime green and muted yellow. They're finally in season! And that means it's finally getting a little warmer and sunnier! (Knock on wood...it's only March, so it's bound to snow some more.) This perfect little avocado was the icing on the cake today. I spent an hour outside with my students, and came home to make this yummy dinner. It called for some guac, so I got my avocado on! :) I'm so thankful for the 60's weather today brought. B and I are heading to SLC tomorrow afternoon to walk around the city a bit and get to know the place more. I can't wait to put on some capris and get some exercise in the warmth. Maybe I will be able to break out those marternity shorts! ;)

10 weeks left! Oh wow!! I'm not sure B and I realize just how soon that is. ;) We're taking our Childbirth Prep class this Saturday. Maybe then reality will set in a bit more? B said he had a dream he got to hang out with our little baby. I can't remember much of what he said about the dream, but I thought it was adorable. He knew our little guy had to go back in my tummy to finish out his time, but I guess he had fun hanging out with him. I still haven't dreamt about him. I was feeling bummed about how uncomfortable sleeping at night is with the extra tummy weight, and I ended up having a dream that I had to carry around a dalmatian instead of the baby. By the end of the dream I was so exhausted from carrying around the little black and white bum that I was begging for the baby weight to come back. haha So weird!

Anyways, the dinner timer just went off! Time to chow down with my babe!

xoxo

A nest.

It seems like that's what I'm building when I consider all the fabric and string scarps I'm pulling from around the house for this little boy's nursery. Oh, and the feathers. I had to actually stop myself from buying moss yesterday. haha Thanks to your prayers and encouraging words, I truly felt a difference at work yesterday. Part of it was also just voicing my need for more help, and my wonderful aids came to the rescue as usual. And now I'll be home for most of the rest of the week, and I can feel my momma mode kicking into high gear. I've been staying up a little later than usual making things, and actually taking steps to get organized with his room.

 

 

I'm making a few banners to hang on the ceiling over the crib, coming out from one of the corners. Some of the fabric I'm using are actually vintage crib sheets I snagged several years ago because I liked the print so much. I found myself having to really think about boy colors while making these. "Oh, pink flowers..what shades of pink should I put with this one?" No, no, no, Lexy! Blue! You're having a little boy. haha I've got to retrain my girlish thinking habits.

 

 



We got a big package in the mail last week and opened it up to find this beauty! B's cousins from Tacoma sent it to us. One of them drew it by hand. It's a one of a kind. I love it, as I love all sorts of butterfly or bug prints. haha As long as we have space in the nursery, I plan on hanging this up. :)

Alright, well there are a few peeks at what I've been working on this week. :) Keep me and baby boy in your prayers!

xoxo

Over a week, and here's why...

I can't breathe. Ok, really, I can obviously breathe since I'm alive and blogging, but I have to concentrate really hard to simply SIT and BREATHE most days. Baby is NOT hanging low anymore. He's climbed up my rib cage and is squishing my lungs. Anyways, this leaves me quite exhausted. Want to pray for me? I could really use some extra energy to get through my work days. I'm supposed to be (and hopefully will be) working up until  my due date, but seriously....who would have thought bending over multiple times a day to clean up all the toys in a classroom could knock someone out for the week. That's how I've been feeling. It makes me physically tired, but its also been making my tummy upset. Maybe because everything is being squished together so I can grab one toy here, another toy there. haha I haven't had energy for much else besides focusing on work and home. So no blogging for the last week.

Anyways, besides that...I drove past Wendy's and Burger King today, all before 11 a.m. and all I could think about were the chocolate frostys they have!! So I had to rush home and make myself a healthier version that I'm quite pleased with. :)

1 banana (not frozen, but I usually use frozen)
a squirt of agave
1 tablespoon coacoa powder
about half a tray of ice cubes (depends on how thick you like yours)
almond milk
leftover coffee from this morning
three strawberries

It's so yummy!! And not too bad for you, and I took care of that sweet craving while filling up my tummy with good fruits. :) When I worked at Starbucks I LOVED making smoothies for my meals with all sorts of weird things in them: I always had spinach in mine, Greek yogurt, almonds, chia seeds, wheat germ, whatever fruits I had on hand, one packet of honey, some dark chocolate chips...I promise, promise, promise you don't taste the spinach. Yes, it looks weird and gross, but they're really sooooo good for you, and quite filling too. Enough about my random smoothies.

I'm at 29 weeks tomorrow. I have some time this afternoon, so I'm going to pack our hospital bag. Advice? What things were you glad you had on hand? What was useless? Some things I've been reading from around the web say its nice to have little gifts for the nurses, as well as mints or something to suck on during labor (since you can't eat...still not sure how I feel about that?), ohh...I can't remember what else. It's still a bit early to think we need to head to the hospital, but you never know I guess. I was planning on doing this last week while B was out of town, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. It just seemed way too real that this is all happening. I can't even describe it now that I'm thinking about it. haha

While continuing to think and pray about what God wants this baby's birth to look like, I found this blog post to be very helpful. A friend shared it with me and it's seriously one of the most encouraging things I've read yet. In thinking about diets, natural birth, birth orders, epidurals, essential oils, being vegan, Hypnobirthing, blah, blah, blah....the list could go on, God's continued to put a passage from 1 Timothy on my heart.

"As I urged you when I was going to Macedonia, remain at Ephesus so that you may charge any persons not to teach any different doctrine, nor to devote themselves to myths and endless genealogies, which promote speculations rather than the stewardship from God that is by faith. The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. Certain persons, by swerving from these, have wandered away into vain discussions..." 1 Timothy 1:3-6

God really showed me a few weeks back that I was wandering into vain discussions with myself on learning and reading about natural birth. All of the things I listed above really are just myths, things we can never, ever truly be certain about. I will never know for sure if an essential oil can cure my cold. I will never know for sure if I will make it all natural this time. I will never know for sure if an epidural would be perfectly fine for me and my baby. I will never know if I will live longer of this diet or that diet. Only if it's God's will would any of these things happen. I was, and continue, to get caught up in things like these, placing my faith in these things instead of in Christ. Trusting in those other things instead of Him was and is sin (Romans 14:23). His Word is one of the only absolutes I can stand on in faith, and I knew all of my anxiety was coming from trusting in these things I was never meant to trust in. There's been quite a release since He gently showed me that. I've also come to the conclusion that I'm honestly not going to make a decision and stick to it when it comes to this whole giving birth thing because the only person who knows how its going to turn out already has the whole thing planned out for me, and I want to rest in His plan.

Well, off I go to back our hospital bag! :)

xoxo