70 feels like 90 when you're pregnant. I'm very, very thankful for the maternity shorts a friend of mine passed along. ;)
There's our boy! I still don't fully understand it, how life is going to change and look. Don't know if I will until he's actually here. You'd think maybe it would have sunk in by now...since I'm between 38 and 39 weeks....and ya know, he could technically decide to move in (as an 18 year house guest) at anytime.
You know what people failed to mention about nesting? The terrible, hormonal, don't-want-to-share-my-hubby-or-baby-with-anyone nesting that sets in. The territorial madness and paranoia that take over. I think it's nesting on hormonal steroids. haha That's where all the random crying comes in to play being pregnant this far along. I will share a bit of honesty: I've been scared out of my mind of having postpartum for a while now. Many months. And many long nights I've been up in staggering fear thinking about it. I've been fearing my husband ever liking me after this baby is born, ever wanting to stick around to be with us, ever feeling like a normal human again, ever....ya know, the list goes on and on, however logical or (very often) NOT logical. Us pregnant people do understand that, ya know. We aren't logical. We know that. But you still can't help the feelings that occur. So, what do you do?
God's Word is always a good place to turn. :) I seriously was so encouraged by it this week and experienced the power it has in my life. I feel like people have just been telling me these ups and downs are part of hormones and you have to deal with it, in part aiding me in jusitifying totally sinful behaviors. "I can be mad all night and ruin everything because I'm hungry and pregnant and can't control my hormones and my husband rushed me out of the house...so let me ruin the whole plan for everyone. Everyone pays because my silly husband knocked me up!" Nope.
"...for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7
God is sovereign and in control of my hormones. My hormones do not control me. I do not have to fear because God has given me a spirit of power. I can take my thoughts captive and meditate on His truth.
Freeing. This truth quickly dried up tears in the middle of what could have been a (totally justified...but we won't go there) hysterical crying fit. And it has been helping me all week when my thoughts go towards the dark, fear filled corners of my mind.
So ladies, any of you ladies of any age and in any particular chapter of life, don't give in to the lie that your hormones have the final say. Because they don't. God does. He always has and always will. He is the creator of our bodies, including our hormones, and I totally, totally believe He has the power to intervene when things get emotionally crazy in our minds and hearts because of physical issues.
Also, did you notice the words self-control? There's some responsibility right there. We don't get a justified bad mood day, week, year, or life because our hormones are out of balance. God provides grace for that. Take it. And He will help you with the responsibilities He's called us to.
Next time you start to create an entire backstory as to why you have every right to be bitter towards your husband all night or a co-worker, sibling, whoever your "hormones" choose as their victim, remember: God has given us a spirit of self-control. I really say this in love, as I've been experiencing the freedom from my sinful emotions these last few days, whether I always look it on the outside or not, and I want you to experience that freedom too. I can go out on what could be our last date before the baby comes with my husband tonight without feeling angry or totally scared that we will never, EVER be able to do such a thing again. And who knows, maybe we won't. But God still reigns and I don't have to ruin what could be my last date ever with my gorgeous hubby. ;)